In particular I remember waiting at the greyhound bus station.

I was on my way to ohio – an internet love I hadn’t met yet. I sat on the bus for 26 hours – at three in the morning the man who sat next to me bought me a popsicle at a pennsylvania truck stop - which I refused. he was so solemn and threw it away – I really do wish I had taken that popsicle. I think it was lime green - the wrapper hinting at its half-thawed florescent belly.

there was a snow storm in columbus – the drifts 20 feet high. we rolled around in your bed – despite your roomates perpetual perch on AOL Instant Messenger. it must have been ’98. a rumor circulated that two girls had been fucking in the showers.

There was a dance party at some point – it’s strange to see someone dance for the first time.

you told me you loved me in the dorm basement – on a green couch with cigarette holes through both sides of the cushions. I said the same – but knew I didn’t know you – had no idea how to piece together my conflicting emotions across stale basement air. at 18, I couldn’t make any sort of decision without primarily considering who else was affected.I had no idea how to be that selfish.

we had talked since highschool – two dykes that didn’t know any other queer folks – trying to come out in different ways. our main focus was the way we would be able to change ourselves when we were out of highschool. how we could be safe.. we made each other mix tapes and talked about the books we read. I watched you played drums – you listened to the songs I wrote – we tried to make our lives together exhilarating and real.

I’ve been thinking about you a lot tonight.

and I know in many ways we don’t know each other at all –
how important we were to each other then…

noah - I hope you’re doing well.